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The Sri Lankans stuffed us we thought they would.

The day started badly when the Sri Lankan fans who received their tickets from their team had hired a bloody band with brass and big drums to play up a storm any time Sri Lanka did anything at all. The only time they stopped playing was when we got Jayasuriya out for only 1 run. So we chanted “Where’s the drums! Where’s the drums!”. Thankfully the television people were in the next stand over any they asked them to move as the racket they were making was getting onto the live cricket feed.

After that the day went from bad to worse. Sri Lanks outperformed us with bat and ball and we never really looked like we had any answers. It was a really pity that we slipped quietly out of the world cup instead of going out with a fight.

The Kiwi boys did what we do best and got wasted together one last time.

Kiwis are massacred

We woke to the news that the Kiwis had lost the rugby league to the Australians.

In one of the most clinical displays of cricket I have ever seen the Aussies put us to the sword (more like chain-sword) and won by 215 runs. At this stage it is hard to imagine us getting past the Sri Lankans in Jamaica and making the final. Gutted.

Naturally we got wasted and avoided Australians all night.

We usually park in a marina so it is easy for us to come back to the boat when we want. Because we are returning Nathalie tomorrow we have moved to True Blue marina. Unfortunately they didn’t have a berth so we are moored in the harbour. Naturally we get totally separated after the game, end up at different pubs and crawl home in various states. Beige does all the hard yards and drops Toddie off at midnight. Judge and I follow at 2am and Wendy and Beige follow at 3am. Beige even got up at 4am to have one last look for Hummus and Woza but they are MIA.

A DAY AT THE BEACH

Spent the day lazing around at the beach and looking into flights to the semis and final, if we make it that far. We have heard that the flight situation has freed up a bit since the Indian and Pakistani fans have pulled out. After a day of trying different things it doesn’t look like there are any seats available.

We frequently hear form the locals is there hasn’t been the influx of tourist that they expected. The one thing that the fans all agree on is that it is almost impossible to get to the semi and final of the tournament. It has been made especially hard since we won’t really know which semi we will be in until we have played all our games. Add to that the fact that Jamaica is miles away from the other semi and the final and it makes planning and arranging flights virtually impossible. I reckon they would have had a lot more visitors if it had been easier to get to all the games.

With only one game to go we are reasonably certain that we will be in the semi in Jamaica between the second and third placed teams. To solve the problem of getting all the way up to Jamaica we have been coming up with increasingly crazier ideas. The latest mad plan is to charter a couple of Cessnas and fly there.

While writing this the guy at the computer across from me has started singing in a high pitched voice while listening to headphones. Part funny and part grating.

NZ v Sri Lanka

The game didn’t get off to a great start with the Kiwi’s losing two early wickets. After that there was a steady stream of wickets that stopped us posting a decent total. Only Scott Styrus’s unbeaten 111 prevented a humiliating rout.

I don’t remember much of the second innings. After the game we went to some friends house on Grande Anse beach. A super pad that five Kiwis boys have arranged for a paltry $1000 US for two weeks. After that we hit the banana bar.

Hummus has given funnels to that many people that he often has complete strangers calling out “Funnel Guy” to him at random times. He has even made a few Kiwi cricketers do a funnel.

NZ v Bangladesh

Tight bowling kept the Bangladeshis to a low 174 which we chased down in only 29 overs with the loss of one wicket.

Aussie cricketer Adam Gilcrest summed it all up the night before when he said “Bangers? Bangers? I have seen sausages who can bat better than that!”

Off the pitch I took a hammering in our match day drinking game. Scotty Styris took four wickets, two maidens and a catch meaning I had to do seven funnels. A pretty dire fate when the only beer available was Red Stipe.

NZ v West Indies

Got shit for going to bed early. Most of the boat were out till the very early hours getting wasted. Our skipper, Woza, was almost unwakable and as pissed as a chook on the way to the game.

Massive trouble picking up our tickets from the players as no one seemed to know where the main gate was. Finally got in 10 overs into the game. The brand new Sir Viv Richards Stadium was an awesome venue and even has a designated party zone with a SWIMMING POOL for cooling off in!!! Our tickets were up by the press area with the toffs. There was even a waiter serviced, air conditioned lunch provided. I enquired if we were elidgible to partake in the fine dining at the lunch break but aparently we were not ‘dignitaries’. Unbelievable.

Sir Viv Richards Stadium

Bundy said he saw me on television for a full five seconds. The New Zealand commentator, Ian Smith, said I looked studious. Bundy said I looked bored!

We held the Windies to a meagre 177 which we easilly chased with over 10 overs to spare. Not the worlds most exciting game but a vital win on the way to a semi final spot.

Ended the day in the Port England pubs celebrating loudly. By this stage Woza was hugging and kissing everyone in sight telling them that it’s not every day you beat the Windies in the West Indies and that this was as good as the time NZ beat the Saffas in Johanesburg at the last world cup. How many guys could say they had been to both games? This was followed by more hugging and kissing.

Massive treat for cricket fans when we saw the reggae band with Curtly Ambrose and Richie Richardson in it.

Out till the very early hours to redeem myself for the previous nights softness.

FINALLY SAILING

People have asked me how the sailing is going. Well the truth of the matter is we haven’t left St Lucia as all of our pool matches are based here. Today we are heading off at midday for Martinique on our way to our first Super 8 match against the Windies in Antigua. The plan is to anchor up at secluded beaches and chill.

Super 8 is the round after the pool matches. Initially there were 4 pools with 4 teams in each. After playing everyone in your pool the top two teams progress to the super 8 round where they play everyone except the other team that was in their pool. In our case that is England. The bonus is that our victory over the English means that we already have 2 points in the bank for the super 8 round.

After the Super 8 matches the top four teams go through to the semi final round which is a straight knockout.

The first days sailing was um interesting. We had had a big night the night before and we hadn’t even left the harbour before poor Runty was feeding the fishes his breakfast and probably some leftover rum over the back of the boat. Once we got into the straight between St Lucia and Martinique Judge was following suit over the port side of the boat. I thought this was quite funny until it got even choppier. This is where the real comedy started. I drank a Berocca for breakfast and let it loose in a huge stream of bright yellow vomit next to Judge. Beige said he was alright until then but when he saw the yellow vomit he lost his guts over the starboard side which was caught in the wind and landed on Woza who was skippering the boat. Woza, Hummus and Toddie were not sick at all.

The journey to St Annes in Martinique took five hours during which time I felt sick on and off. Runty said he felt sick the whole time and considered flying for the rest of the tournament. When we dropped anchor we all went for a swin off the back of the boat to was the smell of our sick off us. Or in Woza’s case he washed off Beige’s sick.

Broke international law and took the dinghy into St Annes to buy matches.

Beige and I were on the island for less than two minutes before we offered ganga mon.

Martinique isn’t playing cricket with the rest of the West Indies because Martinique is French. This means that they don’t play English sports, they use Euros and they require a seperate visa. We only had five US dollars and it took us several attempts to get one of the graduates from the Paris School of Customer Servise to take our money. The lady who evenyually helped did it with a bitter scowl that would have earned her an A+ on her final exam.

MURDER IN PARADISE!!!

Today we easilly beat Canada in an average performance.

But get this …

Bob Woolmer, the Pakistan coach died in his hotel room on Sunday. We have heard all sorts of crazy rumours all week but it didn’t seem apropriate to comment on someones death on a blog based on rumour and speculation. Tonight the local cops held a press conference and said that it was a full on murder investigation and that he was STRANGLED!!! This is massive. Not only have we witnessed the biggest cricketing upset of all time but the coach of the upset team has been strangled to death in his hotel room!!!

The island rumour mill has been going crazy and it has been said that the whole Pakistan team has been finger printed and no Pakistani nationals are aloud to leave the island!

The suspects

So far the local police seem to be struggling with the investigation. It took almost a week to figue out that the broken bone in the neck and the bruises might mean Bob was strangled. They have even asked the person who did it to give themselves up. Which to my mind seems a little naive.

To help the local police with their clusoesque investigations I have it narrowed down to three groups of likely suspects.

The Pakistani team and management are suspect group number one. They are staying at the same hotel so they have access but probabibly not the motive. Still I am not ruling out a “Murder on the Orient Express” style group effort at thsi early stage.

The second possible group are the shadowy bookies who have been bribing players and fixing matches for years. Several teams and players have been implicated but few have been convicted. There have even been a couple of players suspended or banned for life as was the case for Hanse Cronje the South African captain who took money to underperform in a match in India. He later died in a suspicious plane crash. It seems unlikely that the bookies killed Bob for not making the Super 8 round since this is sport and no one can promise to win all the time. But there is a rumour that Bob was half way through writing a book and that there may have been some explosive facts in there about match fixing that maybe some people didn’t want known. And what better time to knock him off than when Pakistan catastrophically fail to progress out of their pool at the World Cup and loads of angry fans to point the finger of blame at?

The final and most likely group of suspects are the fans who must have spent thousands of Pakistani Rupees to come to the world cup.