THE LONDON BOMBING

I tried to get into work early to get some stuff done before I headed off to the company prize giving at 1pm. Predictably Tooting Bec tube stop was closed because of some technical fault and I ended up walking to Balham taking an overland to Victoria and then bussing the rest of the way. I was enjoying my morning latte when I heard the news that there had been a derailment or an electrical surge that had damaged one of the tubes. London had won the 2012 Olympic bid the day before and transport was one of the key weaknesses of the London case. Having been delayed 45 minutes getting into work because of a technical fault I kind of felt that maybe the sticking plasters and number 8 wire that held the whole Underground together had held out just long enough to fool the Olympic committee. These thoughts quickly turned to disbelief as it became clear that what was going on was something much more abhorrent. At this stage all transport in central London was halted and most city workers were confined to their buildings as a precaution.

We were discussing how we would cross central London to the prize giving at Kensington High Street when we were evacuated as a suspect package was found at the police station across the road from our building. With the exception of the people from our building and the police the streets were eerily empty as we headed for the local park. After about 5 minutes or standing around feeling uncomfortably exposed in the open park with only our colleagues to act as a human shield in the event of an explosion we headed for the local pub.

During all this I had been trying to contact my parents. Initially I tried to send a text but the lines were so jammed with worried people texting each other that it was nearly impossible. After 30 minutes of trying I finally got one off and then rang the Olds on a payphone because they both got a C- in mobile phone use 101.

At this stage we began the long walk across central to the venue where the prize giving was to be held. They may have cancelled the prize giving but the exclusive rooftop garden, bbq and beer were all paid up and ready to go. This was probably a bit foolish as large parts of central London were still cordoned off as the police carried out a number of controlled explosions on packed lunches and gym bags. We even heard one of these go off near Kensington Palace. Thankfully none of these were actual bombs and the rest of the day passed without additional carnage.

In the end we did the only thing that sane people would do in this sort of situation – we got hellishly drunk.

The following map shows where the bombs went off in relation to my work.

Bomb locations near my work

WE IS ‘AVIN’ A ‘OUSE WARMIN’ INIT

Yes you read correctly. There will be a house warming at the Tooting Bec Palace on Saturday 7th of May. We expect the house to be fully warmed up if not actually on fire by the end. Dress is strictly Chav so dust or your cheap market knock-offs and fake bling jewellery because the Tooting Bec Posse are going to say “al’wight guvnor” to our neighbours CHAV STYLE!!!

Click the image for some Chav dress ideas.

MIND HACKS

I attended the London launch of a facinating book called Mind Hacks at Foyles Bookshop near Tottenham Court Road tube.

The presentation was very interesting and I bought the book which looks excellent.

It’s described as: “Mind Hacks is a collection of probes into the moment-by-moment workings of our brain with a view to understanding ourselves a little better and learning a little more, in a very real sense, about what makes us tick.”

Personally I prefer the old fashioned way to hack the mind – with drugs and alcohol. But that is just me. I’m a traditionalist.

Mind Hacks cover image

BOLDLY GOING WHERE NO HUBBERS HAS GONE BEFORE

I am finally making the big move out of the West London antipodean stronghold of Acton. I moved here in 2001 a staggering 42 months ago. But it is time for a change so I am moving to Balham in South London at the end of the month.

On the up side the new flat is flash as. On the down side my rent has doubled. But as they say, you get what you pay for.
Here are some pics.

Hubbers flat

Hubbers flat

Hubbers flat

Hubbers flat

BOMBERS HIT AGAIN

Today at three the bombers hit London again. Thankfully these bombers seem to be about as competent as The Three Stooges and early reports suggest that no one was seriously hurt.

These are my options for my journey home.

My Journey home looks shiteI really can’t make up my mind between walk bus train walk bus walk or walk bus walk bus train walk bus walk or even walk bus walk bus train walk bus walk. On the face of things bus train walk bus walk looks like it might be the go but if everyone else thinks the same thing then it almost certainly won’t be. I have a suspicious feeling that I might end up taking the walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk option.